I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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