beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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