He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
