she peed on how many people?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
