My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
