Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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