Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
