after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
my nose is crying tears of wow.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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