Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
