plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
