Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
