I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
