So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
