I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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