I just pynch a tree in the face
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Ladies don't puke and tell
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
