you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
