I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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