just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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