the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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