just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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