1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
