Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
