but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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