Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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