I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize