I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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