i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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