Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
