fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
