I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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