I just threw up on my dentist
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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