No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
