the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
