? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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