he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i out mim tonsoeep
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