i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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