last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
