The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
