and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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