so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
