How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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