I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
