He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
