She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
