Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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