Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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