apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
