i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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