Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
