those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
