so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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