I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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