There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
