Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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