I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
