I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's shark week go big or go home
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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