that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize