My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
