I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
