At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
