Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
