My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
