She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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