Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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