If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
