She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize