god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
