We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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