I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
