thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
