Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
