He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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