In the future we'll all be gay
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
