I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
