i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
