I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
