Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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