Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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