The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
