wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
