your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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