I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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