u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
