Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
