So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize