Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She's the barista slut.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
