This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
where are my pants?
in the oven.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
