So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
