id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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