fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
