Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
