hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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