When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
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