I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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