Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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