my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
bring money and cleavage
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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