how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
