I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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