Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
